Lessons On Credibility That No Book Will Prepare You For

Becoming Who You Want To Be

Jordan Peterson often speaks about slaying the dragon, i.e. that part of your life that you know you need to address whether it be a lie, a delayed project, etc. The longer you prolong taking action, the larger the catastrophe and harder it will be to slay the dragon. The more fear that is instilled. 

I have heard Dr. Peterson speak on slaying the dragon more times than I could count and recently, a lie I had been holding in had grown to be a dragon larger than I could handle. Even though I felt very prepared to deal with the consequences, nothing could prepare me for the decision I made. I decided to tell the truth and let the lie be let to rest, however, I did it in a way that negatively impacted people I care about and did not handle it according to the man I want to be. While the decision to lay the lie to rest and be able to move on with my life is one I don't regret, I do know how to handle similar situations moving forward to avoid having to learn the lesson a second time. Here is my lesson on slaying the dragon, fear, and a new approach to Dr. Peterson's stance on fear.

There Can Be More Than One Dragon

While carefully reflecting on how I handled the situation, I noticed two things about myself and the situation. The first lesson is that I do not make decisions that I do not regret, however, in this situation, I felt guilt, anxiety, and a large amount of fear even after laying the lie to rest. It wasn't peaceful. At this moment, I realized that there was something more to how I made the call to lay the lie to rest that was misaligned with who I wanted to become even though I had justified the decision as a way to move on with life and be honest with those I care about and love. While it did accomplish the honesty portion, I did not offer the other party involved the olive branch and let them be a part of the solution. 

The second lesson I learned as a result of understanding my misalignment is that the real dragon, the bigger dragon, was one that I had prolonged and one that existed far longer than even when the lie was created. One where I had let fear, cowardice, and insecurities drive my thoughts and decision making. The way I ended this lie was one that still resided in fear. The lesson I learned as a result is that making a fear-based decision is one that can still be used as manipulation, even if unintentionally, if the goal is an attempt to control an outcome, save yourself, or of selfish motivation. Therefore, where does the line between courage and manipulation become blurred and coincide? The answer relies in your motivation, your character, and how you take responsibility for the consequences of slaying the dragon (which might be unintentionally impacted). Now, wisdom lies within only addressing a topic to the extent that the subject matter calls for and therefore, I will digress this topic with one takeaway: As you begin to journey towards courage and overcome fear, be sure that you are continuously thinking clearly, aligning your decisions with the person you want to become, and ensuring to take account AND include (if necessary) all of the people involved in the decision to ensure that the decision is made based on your merit rather than trying to sway people, outcomes, and information.

Make Sure That The Dragon You Slay First Is The Larger Threat

In the heat of the decision and lessons I learned, the biggest one is that I had made the smaller dragon larger than it was and, ultimately, if I had slayed the larger dragon first, it would have also accomplished slaying the second dragon. While the dragons are a metaphor for challenges and obstacles that you face, it is important to consider three things within the metaphor of slaying a dragon: the capacity for growth, the fear you face, and the danger you face for addressing the dragon. 

The first concept is if you slay the dragon while it is in the egg, it never grows to be a big, dangerous dragon. This lies in a principle that Dr. Peterson references as well which is "conflict delayed is conflict amplified" (i.e. the longer you put off addressing your problems, the bigger they become). The second of which is that if the dragon does hatch (i.e. you do end up in a position where you have to face a challenge or obstacle), do not cower from it and address it as soon as the opportunity arises (both appropriate time and place). The final is that after you make the choice to face the dragon, you will be faced with one of two outcomes: you are overwhelmed by the dragon or you slay it. Now, in this lesson, the information and lessons I am offering feels relatively bleak, however, it is important to understand that there is hope. Hope in this manner lies within you, lying down ego, and handling the manner as calmly as possible.

While I felt prepared for whatever life could throw at me and even for the consequences of letting the lie come to light, I was in fact not prepared and was yet again overwhelmed by fear which drove my decision in that moment. The result was that I made a rash decision and did not fully represent myself or how I would have better handled the situation. The point of this was that I felt prepared because I had read so many books on how to handle emotions while being both rational and logical. I had listened to so many podcasts and believed that I could talk my way out of any situation and that words would carry me through. The reality? I do not know nearly as much as I thought I did. Nothing prepared me for controlling and regulating those emotions and in the moment, I hurt people around me and made rash decisions that I determine to be mistakes in some regards. Therefore, reflecting on the lessons, being capable of owning the consequences, and determining that the only way I can respect myself is to own the consequences and move on seems to me to be the only way to make the way I handled the decision an effective learning lesson.

While it is slightly ironic that I am writing (which, by the way, is the most efficient form of thinking) and using words to present lessons that I learned, the truth will be in the actions. Aristotle shares that knowledge can not be the end goal because there is no profit nor assistance to others in knowledge. Rather than knowledge, what makes knowledge profitable is to take action. Additionally, the only way to execute true learning and that you have internalized a lesson is to put the information into practice and to take action as a result of acquiring that knowledge. 

So what is the answer to slaying the dragon and marrying the line between fear and courage? While I can not provide a black-and-white answer, it appears to me that the answer lies within your ability to integrate who you are right now and align it with who you want to become, allow yourself to make mistakes, and be sure to take action and move forward to ensure that you do not make the same mistake twice. While we all make mistakes, learning from them is critical to self-growth and development. In the process, you might hurt those around you if you are not careful. Even if you handle it cautiously and intentionally, you still could be overwhelmed by your emotions. Therefore, focus on controlling your emotions, do not respond while emotional, and be sure to take action rather than using words alone. Credibility is a result of evidence and evidence can only be built through taking action. 

Stay credible my friends.

Collens W.